It’s one of those Monday morning where I’m feeling great. Beautiful sunshine and my training session fore the day is done- and it’s not even 8.10am!
My weeks always go much better when I have an outline of a plan in place.
So a few weeks ago I was in a shop and I picked up a bar of my favourite chocolate- Lindt.
It was a Sunday night and I knew one of the ladies working in the shop so I also bought her and her work colleague a bar as a little treat- bring a smile to them on a Sunday evening.
While my intentions were good, they were based more out of my assumptions and needs than it was based on theirs. You see a few months before that I bought a bar of Lindt and the shopkeeper said she loves Lindt, so I picked up another one and bought it for her. There’s no denying it- I’m a charmer!!!!!
This made me feel good and made her smile and so that thought stuck with me and got expressed on the Sunday evening mentioned above. When I bought the bar for the ladies it also made me feel good- it served my emotional needs, not theirs and it was totally based on my assumptions that they wanted a bar of chocolate- even though they hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort.
I made the decision for them and forced it onto them, albeit it in a very gentle and well meaning way.
Or maybe they were fasting because they had a doctors appointment the next morning and were told not to eat anything for 12 hours. Or maybe they were off chocolate for Lent. There are a hundred scenarios that could have been applicable as to why those ladies didn’t need or what a bar of chocolate but because I wanted one it also made sense that they wanted one.
And there’s no denying that by knowing they were having a bar of chocolate, it made me feel better for having one myself- how our minds work!!!
And that there is one of the biggest challenges for many people when they are trying to get fit, healthy, drop the weight, etc.- people sabotaging their goals by trying to meet their own emotional needs.
We hear it from so many clients how they are struggling to reduce the amount of partying due to pressure from friends to ‘not be boring’. Or struggling to eat healthier because all their family want to do is eat junk food.
Or a client trying to get into a regular exercise routine but constantly been knocked- ‘are you mad to be doing that’ or ‘are you still doing that- I thought you’d have quit by now’.
There is also the massive impact that those we surround ourselves with have on our habits. If you are surrounded by people who don’t exercise then it becomes a lot harder for you to do it as it breaks from the norm of your social group.
People often start to feel guilty because there is a disconnect between them and their social circle as to the new direction they want to take. It means saying no to what before was a given- e.g.. another take-away, another bender on the town, an apple and some nuts instead of a 2nd bar of Lindt!
And a sense of guilt can be a hard thing to break which is why many people will often give in to the pressure and revert back to their old habits just to keep the peace. And of course- this in no way benefits your quality of life, m fat loss goals, etc. in any way. All it does it keep you held back from achieving the results you want at the expense of meeting someone elses’ needs.
So how do you overcome this very real challenge- here are a few simple tips
- Become aware of it. Without awareness of the problem you’ll never one able to achieve it
- Get clear on what you want from your lifestyle and use it to drive you onwards past these challenges- build a big enough WHY
- Get selfish- if you’re not happy with where you are then you need to start making decision based of of your own self-interests. you being unhealthy, unhappy, etc. benefits nobody
- Remove yourself from as much of the negativity as possible. For example, if you’re trying to exercise more, start spending more time with the people you know who exercise regularly. Their healthy exercise habits will soon rub off on you.
- Sit down with those closest to you and explain why you need to change and how they can help you- stop ringing me every night to go for a take-away!!!!!
- Realise that your growth a s person will inspire others to live a higher quality lifestyle- this is one of the biggest pieces of feedback we get from clients. People who laughed and teased them al of a sudden are asking them for a advice on where to start, healthy meals, etc.!!!
Remember, just as with me and the bar of chocolate above, most people are trying to meet their own needs and not necessarily yours. Most if the time, people aren’t even aware that they are sabotaging your plans so it’s not a malicious streak in them. You changing for the better can make them feel uncomfortable and afraid because ‘what about me’.
It’s a challenge to their reality because it holds up a mirror for what they already know they should be doing. But maybe, just, like you, a challenge is exactly what they need.
This unstable, unsupportive, social network is without a doubt one of the biggest obstacles we see with newer clients, so be aware of it. Remember that you need to think of the bigger picture, get focused on what’s best for you and keep moving forward to a healthier, fitter place.
Feel free to share and have a great day 🙂